The Gift of Scars

Today is Aaron's 6th Heaven Day. Has it really been 6 years since I held my late husband's hand? It seems like a lifetime ago and yet I can't believe it has only been 6 years. Grief has a funny way of messing with your perspective of passing time.

Last night, Hubs and I snuggled together in bed. I reminded him that tomorrow would be January 9th, Aaron's Heaven Day. He let me process those last few days 6 years ago. We shared stories of our journeys and were able to compare scars. I didn't need to explain the details of what it was like because he could understand; he had lived it.

I am in awe of God's goodness and wisdom. How incredible that God has lavished such love and compassion upon me through this man. He has given me a man who can understand the heartache of walking with a spouse through the process of death. He can understand the painful memories of a life where cancer is a member of the family. He can understand the ability to cherish memories and live fully present at the same time. He understands the beauty in the scars.

We heard a sermon the other week about how our wounds heal to become scars and how those scars become beautiful. Jesus had scars on his hands, feet, and side. Those scars are where I find the beauty of my salvation, hope, and love. My husband's scars give him the incredible ability to pour out compassion from a place of knowing. I've had people say "I know how you feel" but until you've walked it, you can't. Through God's wisdom, my husband can understand how I feel. He knows the ache of loss and the excitement of now.

A few days before Aaron died, I asked him if it would help him to know my plans for Benjamin and me. His reply was typical Aaron - "No. I know God will take care of you. He is the One Who directs your plans." How right he was. God's plan is even sweeter and more beautiful than I could have imagined!